Why I haven't posted and Moving On

Before I begin this blog post, I'd like to let you know that this is quite a personal thing for me to write, but I wanted to share this with you as I'm hoping that if you're reading this as the heartbroken and sad one, I may help you in some way. This is also the reason I haven't been posting because of everything I just have been going through but I'm back and that's what counts!

These past couple of weeks have literally been some of the hardest days that I have gone through ever. I normally wouldn't put my personal life like this on the internet but I thought maybe my story isn't for me maybe I can help someone else with there breakup or heartache or really whatever your going through. But basically I was in a relationship on and off with a guy for a year and 5 months. Now when I tell you some of the things I let happen or let go I know a whole bunch of you will think im crazy but honestly love makes you do crazy things and this was definitely crazy. This guy (Lets name him Liam) Liam was a bad boy if you want to categorize him. He did things I wouldn't even think of doing and got in so much trouble he gave no care in the world and I think that's where I was instantly drawn in. I knew he was bad for me yet I dated him and forgave him for cheating, lying,..etc. He was really my first love. My first real boyfriend and first everything. I gave him my all and I think once he saw how vulnerable and comfortable I was with him he knew no matter what he did I would forgive him. We would fight everyday about little things and when I say it was mostly him in the wrong Im really not kidding. Its actually kind of sad when I think about how no matter what the situation was or the argument he made me feel like everything was my fault and I would always end up being the one to apologize. Now that I think about it he NEVER apologized once. If I thought the relationship was failing, he made me think it was my fault. If we were fighting it was all my fault. If he cheated it was all my fault. He always found a way to turn the tables on me. And the sad part is I let him all because I didn't want to lose him. This you guys is known as abuse. maybe not physical but mental and emotional. Finally he broke it off with me. (yes sad to say I wasn't the one to end it even though I should have a long time ago)

I was crushed, heartbroken, shocked, and in denial that it was really over if im going to be honest with you guy and myself. I just thought that maybe this was another off time we were having. But in my gut I had this feeling it was for good, that whether it is for part time in his head or not for me I had to move on and break free of all the BS even if I didn't want to. So naturally I cried and slept and watched The Notebook and ate ice cream and cried... yup its all stereotypical but hey whatever gets you going. But once I started the actual moving on process I realized I cant be mopping around all day on the couch with my eyes all swollen and red. I needed to have sorta what I like to call it a cleanse. I think this is a really important thing for all girls....and maybe guys need to go through in order to actually move on, because I can tell you just sitting and waiting for you heart to heal itself will probably take forever and why do you want to drag out the pain? Plus everyone needs a little pick me up and sometimes a little push to get going. So I've decided to sorta give you guys some ideas, songs, movies, activities and advice to give you the first steps to help you get over your boyfriend, husband, crush whatever your situation is.



First comes first is you need to realize that the relationship ended for a reason maybe you know this reason or you don't and whether it was you that ended it or him it really doesn't matter. Its ended and as harsh as that may seem you can't do shit about it but move on and find better. When your in doubt think about this...its called breaking up because its broken and when something is broken you cant fix it exactly to the way it was. It will one day break again maybe even worse than the first so just get ride of it.

Secondly you need to turn off The Notebook and put away the ice cream. I've done this stage and it really has done nothing for me but make me more depressed about my own love life and maybe gain a pound or two which in our case we really don't need at this point in our life. I have found the more I watch these romantic movies and listen to love songs with memories of him attached to it I just feel more wanting the relationship back then feeing good about moving on. Its almost like one step forward and two steps back. So here are some things to do.

1. Delete his contact and BLOCK! ( I cant tell you how much better you will feel not holding onto your phone hoping he will realize his mistake and call you pleading for you back. Knowing that whether he does that or not wont effect you because you wont get the call now anyways plus knowing you blocked him will stop you from drunk calling if you go to that extreme and or just calling to beg for him back it just stops it all)

2. Talk to a friend and ask her (make sure you ask because some may not want to and don't be offended if they don't because they may just not want to hear you in pain) but ask her that when your doubting and wanting to give up or unblock him or get in contact that you can call her instead. Pick 2 really close friends that don't mind you venting it out and that also motivate you to keep your head up and tell you your crazy for wanting to get back with Mr. Wrong.

3. Now that you have 2 close friends that you can vent too when you are in doubt...Don't talk about him to every single on of your friends. Honestly they all probably saw this coming and they also see things that you don't see. So while you were basking in how perfect the relationship because you don't see from the outside they are seeing the bigger picture. So now that it has ended even though they expect you to vent a lot about it maybe surprise them by not bringing it up. Now if they ask you and want you to vent by all means go ahead but just know where the line is and because they are your friends they not gonna say this but even though they are there for you and want to see you happy they really don't want to hear 24/7 about your breakup( this is how you can lose friends) **Bonus if your friends see that your not mopping around and talking about it 24/7 your ex will probably eventually bring you up and your friends will be able to say that you don't even talk about it and its not a big deal to you that your doing actually really good. ( do you know how jealous he will get and all the bonus points you get from that!!)

4. If you really need to vent and having a hard time stopping yourself from talking about it 24/7 I have found that journaling everything is like I write down every thought and thing that crosses my mind and then I have no urge to go vent to someone about it. Plus when you have finally moved on you will get to look back and smile and see how much progress you made. Maybe even help your future daughter or son when they are dealing with breakups one day if you decided to keep it.

5. Delete anything that has a memory or gives you some kind of emotional feeling to him. This is really hard to do because these are sometimes really important to people but you need to in order to fully get over. Now do this at your own time but don't drag it on. Its like a band aid got to just yank it off. This includes songs on your phone or ipod, stop watching those movies you guys used to watch together and those messages on your phone or texts, SOCIAL MEDIA!  Really just everything needs to go as blunt as that sounds it just does. Trust me not having those there helps the process go faster.

Instead here are some songs I have collected in my playlist to help empower me and make me feel good.
1. Britney Spears- womanizer
2. Ellie Goulding- Explosions
3. Ellie Goulding- Burn
4. Tori Kelly- Dear Noone
5. Demi Lavato- Really Don't Care
6. Fifth Harmony- Miss Movin On
7. Lily Allen- Smile
8. Fifth Harmony- Leave My Heart Out Of It
9. Marina and The Diamonds- Lies
10. Fifth Harmony- One Wish
11. Paramore- Interlude Moving On
12. Passenger- Let Her Go
13. Christina Perri- Jar of Hearts


Now if you want to watch some movies but the lovey dovey ones with happy endings just depresses you more then here is a list for you.
1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
2. 500 Days of Summer
3. P.S I Love You
4. The Holiday
5. A lot Like Love (more for on and off relationships)
6. Like Crazy
7. The Breakup
8. Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants
9. The Secret

6. You need to focus on you at this point. Spend time with family. Have game nights, cook them dinner, movie nights filled with action and so on. If family is not the way to go then invite friends over because nothing is better than snacking and hanging with friends. Heck go out and party. Get all dolled up even if you aren't in the best mood and just dance and flirt. It will not only make this time easier for you but shows your friends that they can still hang with you without you blabbing about your ex. Do a dance class or art class. Go out camping for the weekend just do you and have fun.

7. you will always probably have a piece of that person in your heart and you will probably never forget that person. and that's the harsh truth but no matter what it will get easier and then that person wont be in your mind hardly ever and you'll start to be happy and yourself again.

None of this is ever going to be easy. But you can make it less hard by doing some of these things. So be positive and  stop mopping around and talking your friends ear off with stuff they probably have told you before but you were too stubborn to listen. Go out have fun and enjoy life. Set your goals and expectations higher this time and live a little.